As I finish the celebration of my 22nd birthday, I can only begin to reflect on the previous year in hopes that I will learn some new things and become a better human being. I've tried to think intently about my actions and relationships over the past 365 days...some of which is exciting, and some of which is troubling. As I get older, and examine myself more closely, I am really beginning to see some of the issues that I have, but more importantly, how these issues can be quickly fixed if I put forth the appropriate effort. Selflessness is a skill-set that I am slowing trying to master. At times, people can find it quite difficult to think outside of themselves, but there are times to be selfish and there are times to roll with the punches. I have a problem with dealing with sudden change and surprises. I don't like having to deal with situations that I can't control. I have a fairly abrasive nature that tends to push people away from me and simultaneously, I force myself into isolation. The most frightening part is that these characteristics have become almost second nature to me. I asked myself: where did this come from? How did it get this bad? Who or what am I damaging as a result of this thought process?
Unequivocally, I deduced that this comes from an insecurity of self, and a twisted and yet conscious effort to disregard feelings of others in order to protect myself. I was being damaged, and my relationships were being affected as well. I decided that I don't want to spend my big 22 living the same way, thinking the same way, or treating those around me the same way. I want to turn 23, and be able to quantify the change that I instituted into my lifestyle, my thoughts, and my personal connections with those around me. Self reflection is a major piece in growing as an individual. The way you see the world is not the only way the world is seen. Therefore, one cannot go through life acting as such. Life will become more difficult, more stressful, less meaningful, and not as enjoyable.
I can only purpose to analyze my mistakes and more importantly, change them into strengths. As we get older, we must get stronger, wiser, and more efficient with the ways in which we lead our lives. If we don't do that, then what's the point of living? How can you do great things, if you can't do the little things?
