I have been told many times that I need to decide what I want to do, that I need to focus my efforts in one particular direction so that I do not become overwhelmed with frustration if I can not accomplish everything that is swirling around in my head.
I have decided that is impossible. Many people are lucky to discover what their purpose is in life. Far less are lucky enough to fulfill that purpose. I do not want to be one of those people. There are things inside of me that I feel need to come out, specifically artistically within the mediums of Film, and Music. When my mother says to me, "you need to decide the one thing you want", I can not help but to reply, "but I want five things" - and that is the honest truth. I do not feel as though I was meant to do one thing solely and to call the rest a day. Why would God put so many desires and aspirations and goals inside me that I struggle to hold on to every moment that I am working a job that I truly do not enjoy.
2011 has got to be about purpose. At 23 years old and recently admitted to graduate school, I want to make that list of the top five things I want out of life and go hard to get it. There is no reason I have to limit myself. Limits and boundaries are not the same thing - you have to know when to stop but also when to press on.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
The Wielding of Power
Tonight I observed a crime, and it's probably not what you are thinking. I was at work helping a customer. The customer needed to make a phone call related to the transaction that we were working on, and while she made that call, I proceeded to play the most popular game ever made for a smart-phone...Angry Birds. As I briefly indulge in the game while sitting at my desk, a man leans over the counter behind me and says, "Are you just going to play your game or are you going to help me?"
I was a bit surprised as I put the Motorola XOOM down on the counter and I told him that we were all assisting customers, and since he had signed in to be helped, we would assist him as soon as one of us were free. He continued to complain about how the customers I was helping had come in after him, and had not signed in - which was a lie - and how I wasn't doing anything and he shouldn't have to wait to be helped, etc, etc. At this point, I reemphasized the fact that we would assist him as soon as we were free. At that point, my customer actually butted in and said, "Sir you are being really rude. He was helping us and still is helping us, and what you said and how you said it was completely unnecessary."
So the man replies, "You don't want to go down that road." "Why not?", she said, "You don't have any reason to be as rude as you just were." The man replies, "You really don't want to make a big deal about this because you don't know who you're talking to or who am I or what I do." Now at this point, I'm thinking he's about to clap all of us - real talk. I didn't know what to think about how brazen this dude was acting...well that's actually not true. The first thing that came to mind was "white privilege" but I'll leave that one alone for now because it got even better.
The man's daughter began asking her Dad to calm down, relax, and leave the situation alone - but he wouldn't. He kept going on about how no one wanted to make a big deal about the situation. But the truth was, he was being ridiculous and my customer just had the balls to say it. So the man, in his final act of desperation, reaches into his pocket...and pulls out his wallet...which contained a badge...A BADGE.
This dude was a cop. I couldn't believe it. The last thing I thought he would do would be pull out a badge and claim that he would call a squad car on the woman for BREACH OF PEACE!? My dude, you are the breach of peace. Truthfully, he was picked on in school, and found that he could wield some twisted form of judicial power by becoming a police officer and asserting some asinine representation civil servitude. He ended up leaving after asking the manager on duty for my name and card and she refused to give it to him.
I have heard all the cop stories, all the harassment and abuse tales in the "streets" and such, but I have never seen a police officer OFF DUTY flash a badge and claim BREACH OF PEACE on PRIVATE PROPERTY because a grown woman told you that you were being obnoxious? If that's not a power trip then I've never seen one. He completely put a bad taste in my mouth about the law, and for all the good cops that exist in the world, that purpose to serve the community justly and with honor and dignity, there still must exist that jerk that can only feel like a man when he makes himself look like a douche. Sorry to be distasteful on the blog post, but that was an outrageous display of disrespect for not only the law that he is supposed to represent, but the respect he should have for other human beings.
I was a bit surprised as I put the Motorola XOOM down on the counter and I told him that we were all assisting customers, and since he had signed in to be helped, we would assist him as soon as one of us were free. He continued to complain about how the customers I was helping had come in after him, and had not signed in - which was a lie - and how I wasn't doing anything and he shouldn't have to wait to be helped, etc, etc. At this point, I reemphasized the fact that we would assist him as soon as we were free. At that point, my customer actually butted in and said, "Sir you are being really rude. He was helping us and still is helping us, and what you said and how you said it was completely unnecessary."
So the man replies, "You don't want to go down that road." "Why not?", she said, "You don't have any reason to be as rude as you just were." The man replies, "You really don't want to make a big deal about this because you don't know who you're talking to or who am I or what I do." Now at this point, I'm thinking he's about to clap all of us - real talk. I didn't know what to think about how brazen this dude was acting...well that's actually not true. The first thing that came to mind was "white privilege" but I'll leave that one alone for now because it got even better.
The man's daughter began asking her Dad to calm down, relax, and leave the situation alone - but he wouldn't. He kept going on about how no one wanted to make a big deal about the situation. But the truth was, he was being ridiculous and my customer just had the balls to say it. So the man, in his final act of desperation, reaches into his pocket...and pulls out his wallet...which contained a badge...A BADGE.
This dude was a cop. I couldn't believe it. The last thing I thought he would do would be pull out a badge and claim that he would call a squad car on the woman for BREACH OF PEACE!? My dude, you are the breach of peace. Truthfully, he was picked on in school, and found that he could wield some twisted form of judicial power by becoming a police officer and asserting some asinine representation civil servitude. He ended up leaving after asking the manager on duty for my name and card and she refused to give it to him.
I have heard all the cop stories, all the harassment and abuse tales in the "streets" and such, but I have never seen a police officer OFF DUTY flash a badge and claim BREACH OF PEACE on PRIVATE PROPERTY because a grown woman told you that you were being obnoxious? If that's not a power trip then I've never seen one. He completely put a bad taste in my mouth about the law, and for all the good cops that exist in the world, that purpose to serve the community justly and with honor and dignity, there still must exist that jerk that can only feel like a man when he makes himself look like a douche. Sorry to be distasteful on the blog post, but that was an outrageous display of disrespect for not only the law that he is supposed to represent, but the respect he should have for other human beings.
Monday, January 17, 2011
2011
We are only 2 weeks into 2011. The time is going by pretty fast for me, fast than I wish it would in certain respects. I want more time with family, friends, and loved ones; I want to accelerate my career track and accomplish all of the goals I have in my mind; I want to wake up and only do what I want to do and have obligations that only I deem important. But don't we all. It is a bit far fetched at the moment to be full of such demands though it is one of the only ways I stay focused on the desires of my heart.
Patience will be my biggest lesson of 2011. Patience is said to be a virtue, and what is virtue? Can anyone answer that question? How can we be virtuous in a world like this? I don't ask that question to be pessimistic, simply to be inquisitive. All great things should take time. Someone very close to me recently shared that without work and trials, appreciation for dreams attained or goals acquired is just not as sweet. Our world today is very demanding - not demanding because of the lives we live but because of the stress we put on ourselves. Our world has made us impatient beings who are obsessed with being satisfied at every minute of our day, to be focused on fulfilling the consumption of some data, information, or emotion that will make us feel whole either consciously or without our knowledge.
Patience must be the key to success and happiness. Happiness is not perfection, but the acceptance that imperfection will exist. Can you deal? I am trying to.
Patience will be my biggest lesson of 2011. Patience is said to be a virtue, and what is virtue? Can anyone answer that question? How can we be virtuous in a world like this? I don't ask that question to be pessimistic, simply to be inquisitive. All great things should take time. Someone very close to me recently shared that without work and trials, appreciation for dreams attained or goals acquired is just not as sweet. Our world today is very demanding - not demanding because of the lives we live but because of the stress we put on ourselves. Our world has made us impatient beings who are obsessed with being satisfied at every minute of our day, to be focused on fulfilling the consumption of some data, information, or emotion that will make us feel whole either consciously or without our knowledge.
Patience must be the key to success and happiness. Happiness is not perfection, but the acceptance that imperfection will exist. Can you deal? I am trying to.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Past, Present, and Future
So, I've noticed that it is incredibly difficult for human beings to let go of the past. Whether it be their past, or the past of others, we seem to find reason to hold on to things that will remain forever fixed in time. Such an action has got to be exhausting, and additionally very time consuming. We owe it to ourselves to let go of the past.
Now I understand, there are certain things that can not be forgotten. And while this may be easier said than done, we are normally the ones that suffer the most if we remain attached to circumstances, words, and decisions that have been set in stone and won't ever be altered. Some one once said to me that "the past dictates the present, and shapes the future." That is true if you believe in causality - which most of us do. Still, on a separate occasion, it was said to me that "worry does not make the future; actions make the future."
This life is all about choices. Most of them are difficult and require us to swallow our pride in order to move on. As humans, we hate it when our mistakes, decisions, and words are thrown back in our face, especially if we are not proud of some of those things. So quickly we cast the first stone, and forget that at our very core we all exhibit the same similarities and characteristics that shape our communal identity as humanity.
We have all seen the live, laugh, love phrase. It's time we do just that. Forgive those who need your forgiveness most, and do not deny yourself the happiness that you desire more than anything. You may be the only person standing in your way to having the future that you deserve. Grant an opportunity for present actions to shape future circumstances. The past is no longer yours, but the future is yours completely.
Now I understand, there are certain things that can not be forgotten. And while this may be easier said than done, we are normally the ones that suffer the most if we remain attached to circumstances, words, and decisions that have been set in stone and won't ever be altered. Some one once said to me that "the past dictates the present, and shapes the future." That is true if you believe in causality - which most of us do. Still, on a separate occasion, it was said to me that "worry does not make the future; actions make the future."
This life is all about choices. Most of them are difficult and require us to swallow our pride in order to move on. As humans, we hate it when our mistakes, decisions, and words are thrown back in our face, especially if we are not proud of some of those things. So quickly we cast the first stone, and forget that at our very core we all exhibit the same similarities and characteristics that shape our communal identity as humanity.
We have all seen the live, laugh, love phrase. It's time we do just that. Forgive those who need your forgiveness most, and do not deny yourself the happiness that you desire more than anything. You may be the only person standing in your way to having the future that you deserve. Grant an opportunity for present actions to shape future circumstances. The past is no longer yours, but the future is yours completely.
Friday, October 15, 2010
October Reflections
[click on "October Reflections" for a musical accompaniment]
I feel slightly awkward having not posted anything in several months. It's actually more like 6 months but it is what it is. Summer was cool and I appreciate everything it gave me. The transition between Summer and Fall is normally when I suffer from runny noses, sneezing, and weird throat annoyances, but it is also the time when Connecticut seems the most beautiful, the most peaceful, and the most comfortable. A lot of things have happened since my birthday. Some things I can change; others may remain forever fixed in the catacombs of life. Regardless, I seek this opportunity in beautiful Fall weather to examine the Man that I have become, and to improve the mentality that I exited college with. Now that I am a Man, I must put away childish things.
My mother always told me that I was impatient, irritable, and sometimes plain mean. I always would contest that there was nothing wrong with me, but that people were merely incapable of sharing my understanding of circumstances and situations. I expressed an unwillingness to acknowledge three very important truths about the lives that we share with each other on this planet: we are all imperfect, are susceptible to being unbalanced, and must gain awareness to live in peace with each other. This goes for all relationships that stem from human interaction - both personal and professional.
I wondered why people didn't like me in college, or thought that I was just a plain jerk. It's absolutely because I was. I would say, "who gives a fuck what anybody thinks?" Statements like that dug me into a hole. I was the first person wondering why it seemed like people wanted to stay away from me, and it was simply because I was like a bomb that was ready to carry out a mission of social offenses and unkindness with no regard or consideration for the feelings of those around me. I did this to family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, significant others. Somehow it was easier for me to go easy on people I didn't know, and in some strange sick way, I had this seemingly natural tendency to apply pressure and sometimes verbal abuse to those who I claimed to care for and love. I thought I was showing support by being critical and judgmental. Maybe people would see how I wanted better for them by me pointing out everything about them that didn't make sense to me - Absurd. This seemingly natural tendency was not natural at all, it was a sickness of the mind that I had acquired through the denial of my insecurity, and stimulated through my refusal to accept myself for who I am and others for who they are.
When you're by yourself, you have plenty of time to seek out the introspective corridors that make up the fabric of your spirit and mind. I've learned I struggle with patience, kindness, self-righteousness, sensitivity, self-image, confidence, dedication, complacency, procrastination, self-pity, self-doubt, envy, and arrogance. For the life of me, I can't figure out when I became this monster that suffers from these terrible characteristics. This isn't who God made me to be. Somewhere along the line, I chose to assume these identifying marks. It has ruined my ability to think rationally, objectively, and kindly towards others. Weed didn't help either, but I kicked that habit 174 days ago.
I'll be turning 23 this Spring, and I can't afford to continue to live this way. I decided to write down that list I mentioned in the previous paragraph, and research the definitions of each in order to identify why it is important that I reverse those cycles in my life indefinitely. Putting my action plan down on paper has made me more accountable to myself, and reminds me of the commitment I've decided to make as a Man to improve myself for my own sake, and for the sake of those I interact with on a daily basis. The Bible says Love is the greatest commandment. That's pretty simple. You don't have to believe the Bible to acknowledge the truth in that statement.
I've identified so many instances where I just get irritable because I don't feel like repeating myself, explaining myself, or maybe I just think this person should just understand this fact or situation because I do. In situations like that, I've responded like a jerk and hurt or offended many people around me. How ridiculous is that? Who am I to do such a thing? I am no different than my peers, in that we all share the common thread of human nature that unfortunately, can cripple us into misidentifying our own faults, or more dangerously, make excuses for them.
I choose now to not make excuses anymore for this awful behavior. The past 10 months, I've learned more about myself than I have in the past 21 years. I will make the next 21 even better, and even if I can't regain all that I've lost, I will gain a mentality and understanding that will serve me well for the rest of my life. This is a daily cleansing that will take time, but will be with the trial, error, and effort.
I feel slightly awkward having not posted anything in several months. It's actually more like 6 months but it is what it is. Summer was cool and I appreciate everything it gave me. The transition between Summer and Fall is normally when I suffer from runny noses, sneezing, and weird throat annoyances, but it is also the time when Connecticut seems the most beautiful, the most peaceful, and the most comfortable. A lot of things have happened since my birthday. Some things I can change; others may remain forever fixed in the catacombs of life. Regardless, I seek this opportunity in beautiful Fall weather to examine the Man that I have become, and to improve the mentality that I exited college with. Now that I am a Man, I must put away childish things.
My mother always told me that I was impatient, irritable, and sometimes plain mean. I always would contest that there was nothing wrong with me, but that people were merely incapable of sharing my understanding of circumstances and situations. I expressed an unwillingness to acknowledge three very important truths about the lives that we share with each other on this planet: we are all imperfect, are susceptible to being unbalanced, and must gain awareness to live in peace with each other. This goes for all relationships that stem from human interaction - both personal and professional.
I wondered why people didn't like me in college, or thought that I was just a plain jerk. It's absolutely because I was. I would say, "who gives a fuck what anybody thinks?" Statements like that dug me into a hole. I was the first person wondering why it seemed like people wanted to stay away from me, and it was simply because I was like a bomb that was ready to carry out a mission of social offenses and unkindness with no regard or consideration for the feelings of those around me. I did this to family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, significant others. Somehow it was easier for me to go easy on people I didn't know, and in some strange sick way, I had this seemingly natural tendency to apply pressure and sometimes verbal abuse to those who I claimed to care for and love. I thought I was showing support by being critical and judgmental. Maybe people would see how I wanted better for them by me pointing out everything about them that didn't make sense to me - Absurd. This seemingly natural tendency was not natural at all, it was a sickness of the mind that I had acquired through the denial of my insecurity, and stimulated through my refusal to accept myself for who I am and others for who they are.
When you're by yourself, you have plenty of time to seek out the introspective corridors that make up the fabric of your spirit and mind. I've learned I struggle with patience, kindness, self-righteousness, sensitivity, self-image, confidence, dedication, complacency, procrastination, self-pity, self-doubt, envy, and arrogance. For the life of me, I can't figure out when I became this monster that suffers from these terrible characteristics. This isn't who God made me to be. Somewhere along the line, I chose to assume these identifying marks. It has ruined my ability to think rationally, objectively, and kindly towards others. Weed didn't help either, but I kicked that habit 174 days ago.
I'll be turning 23 this Spring, and I can't afford to continue to live this way. I decided to write down that list I mentioned in the previous paragraph, and research the definitions of each in order to identify why it is important that I reverse those cycles in my life indefinitely. Putting my action plan down on paper has made me more accountable to myself, and reminds me of the commitment I've decided to make as a Man to improve myself for my own sake, and for the sake of those I interact with on a daily basis. The Bible says Love is the greatest commandment. That's pretty simple. You don't have to believe the Bible to acknowledge the truth in that statement.
I've identified so many instances where I just get irritable because I don't feel like repeating myself, explaining myself, or maybe I just think this person should just understand this fact or situation because I do. In situations like that, I've responded like a jerk and hurt or offended many people around me. How ridiculous is that? Who am I to do such a thing? I am no different than my peers, in that we all share the common thread of human nature that unfortunately, can cripple us into misidentifying our own faults, or more dangerously, make excuses for them.
I choose now to not make excuses anymore for this awful behavior. The past 10 months, I've learned more about myself than I have in the past 21 years. I will make the next 21 even better, and even if I can't regain all that I've lost, I will gain a mentality and understanding that will serve me well for the rest of my life. This is a daily cleansing that will take time, but will be with the trial, error, and effort.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
New Beginnings
Greetings. My life has been quite interesting since I last posted, and I'm not even sure when that was. My weeks are filled with daily commutes, paying bills, and steadily working towards my true professional goals in music. It seems like things are falling into place in a way that can only be divinely orchestrated, but still I must continue to do my part so that I can see the dream being fulfilled all the way through. We often stop short of our dreams, desires, and needs when we don't act to achieve them. It is so easy to say we need or want something, but it's more than difficult to work towards it when everything around you seems to be telling you it wont happen and that you are wasting your time.
Don't fall victim to that line of thinking. Purpose to do everything in your power to achieve everything you need and want. Write it down on a list and start doing something every day to get there - and let God take care of the rest. Burdens have to be cast on him because we can't carry the load on our own - we are Human Beings, weak and fragile in nature. But we can be strong and have everything that is ours if we approach the situations that life presents us in the proper way. I'm not sure how all of this applies to those of you who are reading, but I hope it helps you see some things through in your life. It's your life to live.
Don't fall victim to that line of thinking. Purpose to do everything in your power to achieve everything you need and want. Write it down on a list and start doing something every day to get there - and let God take care of the rest. Burdens have to be cast on him because we can't carry the load on our own - we are Human Beings, weak and fragile in nature. But we can be strong and have everything that is ours if we approach the situations that life presents us in the proper way. I'm not sure how all of this applies to those of you who are reading, but I hope it helps you see some things through in your life. It's your life to live.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A Long Awaited Update
Greetings. This has been an interesting 2 months since my last post. A lot of things have been going on. God has definitely been blessing me. School ended with a bang, and I made it out after having the best semester of my college career - about a 3.65 overall. I had plans to attend graduate school but that didn't work out the way I hoped it would, but things happen the way they are supposed to. I still want to call them [The New School] and find out exactly why they denied me..but more on that later.
Through graduation money, I was able to finance the construction of a massive multi-media computer based on Windows 7 64bit. It is straight beast - I'll put it up against any iMac that you think may be more powerful and I guarantee my computer will crush it. [Quad-core i5, 4gb Ram (can go up to 16gb), 1 TB HD, USB 3.0, Firewire, Surround Sound - all for less than $800] It's been a pain trying to reconfigure all of my software on this machine, but its proven to be rewarded at the same time. This "studio" is really beginning to take shape. All I need now is a microphone, which I will be purchasing in the coming months. The first thing I will do in the meantime is work on my Re-Mastered Version of Prince's "Purple Rain" album - it's long over due.
God found me a job at Verizon. I'm very thankful because I know there are people who have been out of school for over a year who still are without employment. Entering the workforce is exciting because now I can really make some MONEY - and my studio now has corporate sponsorship: i.e. money from Verizon = studio equipment. But unfortunately that won't be the only expenditure that I'll need to attend to. Student loans will begin very soon, and so will my car note and other assorted bills that I will need to pay. Still I will count it all joy, I could have nothing to be thankful for and I have so much. I hope you all are thankful for the things you have, because there are many people who would kill for the lives most of us are privileged to have.
Purple Rain Remastered coming soon...
Through graduation money, I was able to finance the construction of a massive multi-media computer based on Windows 7 64bit. It is straight beast - I'll put it up against any iMac that you think may be more powerful and I guarantee my computer will crush it. [Quad-core i5, 4gb Ram (can go up to 16gb), 1 TB HD, USB 3.0, Firewire, Surround Sound - all for less than $800] It's been a pain trying to reconfigure all of my software on this machine, but its proven to be rewarded at the same time. This "studio" is really beginning to take shape. All I need now is a microphone, which I will be purchasing in the coming months. The first thing I will do in the meantime is work on my Re-Mastered Version of Prince's "Purple Rain" album - it's long over due.
God found me a job at Verizon. I'm very thankful because I know there are people who have been out of school for over a year who still are without employment. Entering the workforce is exciting because now I can really make some MONEY - and my studio now has corporate sponsorship: i.e. money from Verizon = studio equipment. But unfortunately that won't be the only expenditure that I'll need to attend to. Student loans will begin very soon, and so will my car note and other assorted bills that I will need to pay. Still I will count it all joy, I could have nothing to be thankful for and I have so much. I hope you all are thankful for the things you have, because there are many people who would kill for the lives most of us are privileged to have.
Purple Rain Remastered coming soon...
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Birthday Reflections
As I finish the celebration of my 22nd birthday, I can only begin to reflect on the previous year in hopes that I will learn some new things and become a better human being. I've tried to think intently about my actions and relationships over the past 365 days...some of which is exciting, and some of which is troubling. As I get older, and examine myself more closely, I am really beginning to see some of the issues that I have, but more importantly, how these issues can be quickly fixed if I put forth the appropriate effort. Selflessness is a skill-set that I am slowing trying to master. At times, people can find it quite difficult to think outside of themselves, but there are times to be selfish and there are times to roll with the punches. I have a problem with dealing with sudden change and surprises. I don't like having to deal with situations that I can't control. I have a fairly abrasive nature that tends to push people away from me and simultaneously, I force myself into isolation. The most frightening part is that these characteristics have become almost second nature to me. I asked myself: where did this come from? How did it get this bad? Who or what am I damaging as a result of this thought process?
Unequivocally, I deduced that this comes from an insecurity of self, and a twisted and yet conscious effort to disregard feelings of others in order to protect myself. I was being damaged, and my relationships were being affected as well. I decided that I don't want to spend my big 22 living the same way, thinking the same way, or treating those around me the same way. I want to turn 23, and be able to quantify the change that I instituted into my lifestyle, my thoughts, and my personal connections with those around me. Self reflection is a major piece in growing as an individual. The way you see the world is not the only way the world is seen. Therefore, one cannot go through life acting as such. Life will become more difficult, more stressful, less meaningful, and not as enjoyable.
I can only purpose to analyze my mistakes and more importantly, change them into strengths. As we get older, we must get stronger, wiser, and more efficient with the ways in which we lead our lives. If we don't do that, then what's the point of living? How can you do great things, if you can't do the little things?
Unequivocally, I deduced that this comes from an insecurity of self, and a twisted and yet conscious effort to disregard feelings of others in order to protect myself. I was being damaged, and my relationships were being affected as well. I decided that I don't want to spend my big 22 living the same way, thinking the same way, or treating those around me the same way. I want to turn 23, and be able to quantify the change that I instituted into my lifestyle, my thoughts, and my personal connections with those around me. Self reflection is a major piece in growing as an individual. The way you see the world is not the only way the world is seen. Therefore, one cannot go through life acting as such. Life will become more difficult, more stressful, less meaningful, and not as enjoyable.
I can only purpose to analyze my mistakes and more importantly, change them into strengths. As we get older, we must get stronger, wiser, and more efficient with the ways in which we lead our lives. If we don't do that, then what's the point of living? How can you do great things, if you can't do the little things?
Sunday, February 28, 2010
the 2010 Lover
As I begin this post, I'm not exactly sure what I want to say, or how I want to say it for that matter. Still, I feel the urge to put down some words in regards to how my life has me feeling at this moment. Every day I realize more and more that I am imperfect and it kills me. Being a perfectionist is an impossible task when you exist in a world built upon imperfections. We wander through life trying to find sustaining value that will keep our heads up high when we want to lower them in shame, and sometimes the sources of clarity and peace that we gravitate towards can simply be mirages of hope that will be snatched away when things are at their toughest.
It's so hard to trust when it seems that when you are at your worst, people want to vanish from your side - when in fact it should be those that claim to Love you that want to see you all the way through the process of really overcoming the difficulties and discomfort that affect our lives in ways that only as individuals can we understand. To Love is not to be around when people are at their best: Love is the act of unconditional sacrifice. You should never use the word until you know what it really means. Those who are distrusting of the inconstant world in which we live, will never learn to trust or Love if they expect everything to be perfect, and then run when the realities of life's imperfect nature, and Love's uncertain character, is revealed to them.
We don't have many chances to Love - truly Love - in our lifetimes. We can't be so quick to pass up opportunities to experience one of the greatest pleasures life can offer a human being, nor can we be so quick to withdraw when those we have claimed to Love have hurt us simply out of their own fear and insecurity about Love and life. I'm not talking about cheating, simply about insecurities and improvements of self. One should be the sustaining force that heals that fear, and quells that insecurity, thereby strengthening the bond that has been set in place until it is fortified and unmovable. If one ever thought true Love would be easy then there may need to be further clarification; likewise, to a certain point one must be willing to objectively adjust their state of mind to understand the shortcomings of those who are closest to them, and not retreat for their own sake - since this will void the claims of Love and commitment that was once claimed to be given and shared.
It's so hard to trust when it seems that when you are at your worst, people want to vanish from your side - when in fact it should be those that claim to Love you that want to see you all the way through the process of really overcoming the difficulties and discomfort that affect our lives in ways that only as individuals can we understand. To Love is not to be around when people are at their best: Love is the act of unconditional sacrifice. You should never use the word until you know what it really means. Those who are distrusting of the inconstant world in which we live, will never learn to trust or Love if they expect everything to be perfect, and then run when the realities of life's imperfect nature, and Love's uncertain character, is revealed to them.
We don't have many chances to Love - truly Love - in our lifetimes. We can't be so quick to pass up opportunities to experience one of the greatest pleasures life can offer a human being, nor can we be so quick to withdraw when those we have claimed to Love have hurt us simply out of their own fear and insecurity about Love and life. I'm not talking about cheating, simply about insecurities and improvements of self. One should be the sustaining force that heals that fear, and quells that insecurity, thereby strengthening the bond that has been set in place until it is fortified and unmovable. If one ever thought true Love would be easy then there may need to be further clarification; likewise, to a certain point one must be willing to objectively adjust their state of mind to understand the shortcomings of those who are closest to them, and not retreat for their own sake - since this will void the claims of Love and commitment that was once claimed to be given and shared.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Big Booty Judy
I've been listening to R&B for as long as I can remember. 'Sweet Love' by Anita Baker was the first song I remember singing (thanks to my father) and since then, I have always loved the genre that in theory is DEDICATED to Love and the expressions of it. Call me a sap if you want, my iTunes is deep and diverse so I wouldn't try it. Point being, Chris Brown is the King of R&B. I don't care about Rihanna; I don't care about Trey Songz; I don't care that Graffiti didn't sell as well as his previous 2 albums. While Trey's voice may have a more aesthetically pleasing tone, his vocal performance capabilities in comparison to Mr. Brown are, plainly put, quite limited. Not to mention, Trey's musical pallet that he has presented in his first 3 albums and several mixtapes, is quite cliche and reminiscent of a recycled R&B tradition that stems from R. Kelly in the early 1990s. My A&R/Dominican Cousin Pedro would disagree with me but, whatever.
Most girls are going to hate me for saying these things, but most of them are probably just looking at his physical appearance, are satisfied with his mediocre musical presentations because of the point previously stated, and aren't listening to the records. Yes, records - not songs. A song is what the public hears; records are listening to songs from a comparative and creative perspective: e.g. a movie vs. a film.
Enough about all of that. Chris dropped a mixtape on Valentine's Day called "In My Zone". My favorite tracks are "Don't Lie", "Glow In The Dark", and last but not least, "Big Booty Judy". I'm not normally the fan of ignorant goon influenced/crunk R&B but this mixtape is a tribute to just that, in conjunction with a well designed plea to his female fans across the world to enjoy listening to his musical love-making side on V-Day. You can get the download here. This post could probably be better, but that's what tomorrow is for. Peace Family.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Leave It In the Past
So 2010 has brought me some interesting things...
I've already learned some very valuable lessons in 2010. We've got to learn how to leave the past in the past. As human beings we can do a bad job of moving on with life, and forgetting those times when things didn't go our way, people hurt us, or we just plainly made bad decisions. Our inability to move on with our own trials and bullshit in life can effect the ones we Love way more than we realize at times. Recently, I hurt someone close to me because of my inability to let go of the past. Its particularly bad since I am the one always stressing how people need to move on and not dwell on things that will remain unchanged for the rest of time. Think about that next time you start to think about insignificant things. Its a waste of energy to give precedence to thoughts, words, and actions that should remain buried in the calendar. No one wants to hurt the people we Love, so simply put, don't do it. We all make choices and have the ability to reason about what is necessary and what is insignificant. You will have a hard time growing as an individual if you don't learn these things, and that will only impede your ability to grow in the close personal relationships - romantic and platonic - that we all deep down know that we desire and need.
That is all, more later....
I've already learned some very valuable lessons in 2010. We've got to learn how to leave the past in the past. As human beings we can do a bad job of moving on with life, and forgetting those times when things didn't go our way, people hurt us, or we just plainly made bad decisions. Our inability to move on with our own trials and bullshit in life can effect the ones we Love way more than we realize at times. Recently, I hurt someone close to me because of my inability to let go of the past. Its particularly bad since I am the one always stressing how people need to move on and not dwell on things that will remain unchanged for the rest of time. Think about that next time you start to think about insignificant things. Its a waste of energy to give precedence to thoughts, words, and actions that should remain buried in the calendar. No one wants to hurt the people we Love, so simply put, don't do it. We all make choices and have the ability to reason about what is necessary and what is insignificant. You will have a hard time growing as an individual if you don't learn these things, and that will only impede your ability to grow in the close personal relationships - romantic and platonic - that we all deep down know that we desire and need.
That is all, more later....
Thursday, December 31, 2009
It's Been A Long Time...Let's Catch Up
Greetings Everyone...I've been meaning to update this blog for a few months now, but my life just isn't that interesting at Wesleyan. I only have one semester left and it will be bittersweet for the obvious reasons. Enduring the real world will be a transition but I anxiously await the challenge. I did pretty well in regards to my classes [B-,B+,A- and I'm waiting on the last one come on Professor...] I am using this Winter break to plan out the rest of my life, at least for the next several years.
Graduate school is on the horizon and I never thought it would be. I never saw myself as an "Academic" per say, though I can admit that as I have grown as a student and individual over the past 3 1/2 years, I now feel like I have a bit more to prove to myself in the classroom in order to make up for my mediocre record at the beginning. 2 Ds my freshman year are sucking the life out of my GPA and without them I would have a 3.4 but alas, I hover around a 3. The graduate school study in Media is what I'm working towards. 18 months in New York City to get a masters degree and build my musical network as I work towards my goal of becoming a legit music producer/songwriter and executive. We'll see how that goes...and by the way Valentines Day I'm dropping a mixtape tentatively titled "OverRated/Romance". It will be a powerful introduction to my music for all of those who have never heard it, and for those who have been consistent supporters all of this time. Stay Tuned...
Finally, I need to speak on 2009. This year was great for so many reasons, though it was not devoid of its own challenges and issues. So many of us have dealt with, overcome, and accomplished so many powerful and amazing things. I don't want any of you to forget what you've done, and what you've learned - about yourself and others - because it is all vital in order to continue on to a path of success, and hopefully the path that God has for all of you whether you want to believe it or not. Let 2010 be the year that you break out of your shell or free yourself from whatever is holding you back. Go get what you want and claim what you deserve. Peace outtt
Graduate school is on the horizon and I never thought it would be. I never saw myself as an "Academic" per say, though I can admit that as I have grown as a student and individual over the past 3 1/2 years, I now feel like I have a bit more to prove to myself in the classroom in order to make up for my mediocre record at the beginning. 2 Ds my freshman year are sucking the life out of my GPA and without them I would have a 3.4 but alas, I hover around a 3. The graduate school study in Media is what I'm working towards. 18 months in New York City to get a masters degree and build my musical network as I work towards my goal of becoming a legit music producer/songwriter and executive. We'll see how that goes...and by the way Valentines Day I'm dropping a mixtape tentatively titled "OverRated/Romance". It will be a powerful introduction to my music for all of those who have never heard it, and for those who have been consistent supporters all of this time. Stay Tuned...
Finally, I need to speak on 2009. This year was great for so many reasons, though it was not devoid of its own challenges and issues. So many of us have dealt with, overcome, and accomplished so many powerful and amazing things. I don't want any of you to forget what you've done, and what you've learned - about yourself and others - because it is all vital in order to continue on to a path of success, and hopefully the path that God has for all of you whether you want to believe it or not. Let 2010 be the year that you break out of your shell or free yourself from whatever is holding you back. Go get what you want and claim what you deserve. Peace outtt
Monday, July 13, 2009
HBOs Entourage Season 6 Episode 1 Stream
zSHARE video - Entourage - Season 6_ Episode 1. DCtoBC.com.avi.flv
If you are one of the unfortunate people that love Entourage but don't have HBO - like myself - the link posted above is for you... It contains the first episode of the 6th season of the famed HBO series based off of the life of Mark Wahlberg and his Hollywood life.
DC to BC is the site that hosted the link, check them out for lots of other cool stuff.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Purple Legend
The week following Michael's death, he sold a massive amount of records - about 2.6 million. The album that sold the most was Thriller, his most perfect musical masterpiece. His public popularity waned after the accusations of child molestation and as time went on, his musical output decreased. It's unfortunate that the world was seemingly "reminded" of his musical genius only after his death...
With that being said, I would like to take this opportunity to highlight another phenomenal music entertainer who Michael himself had great respect for (I've been watching those MJ exclusives and found out that tidbit). This artist is none other than Prince Rogers Nelson, known to the world simply as "Prince" and briefly as "The Artist, formally known as..." during his epic beef with Warner Brothers Music Group over the copyright ownership of his stage name. The "Prince Rogers" part of his name was actually his father's stage name with the "Prince Rogers Trio", a local Jazz ensemble. Michael was going to have Prince dance with him in the "Bad" video but Prince respectfully declined as he felt that the video would be incredible without him...and he was right.
I'd like to note that I do not personally feel either of them can be fully compared to the other. In their own rights they are unparalleled talents, individually fulfilling specific niches in entertainment and music history. Comparisons are often made between them but at the end of the day, their styles, personas, and music were held in their own distinct categories to fans around the world. I'd play Thriller and Purple Rain back to back, alternating which one I played first each time.
Most of you have been refamiliarizing yourselves with Thriller I'm sure. I would encourage you to do the same with Purple Rain, especially if you've never heard it. There really isn't a single track on it that's not fire. Click on the links to listen to the songs. If you don't have imeem, don't be lazy and take 30 seconds to register.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
R&B Returns
If you haven't listened to Trey Songz, or never really rocked with him for whatever reason, all of that should change. Yesterday he released his mixtape Anticipation, a prelude to his album due out sometime in August 2009 titled Ready. I'm not quite saying that Chris Brown is over with but, Trey is about to kill it for those looking for that real bedtime R&B.
Click the title of this entry to download the mixtape and check his blog here.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Resurgence of Our Race
As I've grown up being Black, I've noticed a lot of trends in our community. One of the startling trends is the amount of fatherless homes. We have all seen it, and it manifests itself in different ways. When I say home, I am more specifically referring to the maintenance of an active and healthy relationship with a child. Sometimes people can't work things out, and parents don't stay together and there are a lot of men who accept that responsibility to remain in their child's lives although they are not actively in the "home". Still, there is an overwhelming amount of cases where men maintain no relationship with their children at all. The effects of these circumstances can be devastating to a child's life, and though this problem pertains to all races, right now I must speak to my Black people.
On my street, I see several cases of Black women raising more than 5 children, all on their own. None of the men are around to help provide the example, guidance, and discipline that could so greatly benefit the young children growing up in these households. Sometimes these men lacked male examples in their own lives and in turn are unequipped, and therefore unable to provide the type of presence needed in the foundations of our communities. Other times, men have chosen to refrain from simply accepting responsibility for their choices.
The effect this problem has on our women is truly devastating. Too many Black women are being forced to play Mom and Dad, while juggling jobs, mortgages, and their own stresses in life. I won't say they need rescuing, but they need assistance. The crime rates in our community overwhelmingly correlate to young men who have not been actively raised by both parents - most often only by woman - and thus lacked an example of what it means to be a man. Too many of our young men are growing up not respecting our women, themselves and others - leaving school, selling drugs, exhibiting an absence of respect for authority figures. Too many of our young women are growing up not having the confidence and foundation that a father could provide, that could help them to better deal with many of the issues they will face in their lifetimes pertaining to the opposite sex. Neither a man nor a woman can do a job intended for the other. The time to begin setting a proper example of living for our children's generation is now.
Moreover, the point of this entry is not to bash those who have failed, nor to ignore those who have succeeded. The point is to call all Black Men who are aware of these cases to make a change when it's their turn. Provide your child with an example that exudes responsibility, leadership, love and kindness, and respect for the law, others - especially our women - and themselves. To the generation of Black Men who are aware of this problem, be willing to address it. We need to more effectively take control of a problem that we have the means to mend. We can do this by embracing responsibility of fatherhood, becoming more effective leaders in our homes, being more open to communication with each other and our women, and actively working towards establishing a lifestyle of selflessness. It won't be easy, but it's absolutely necessary. The reputation and existence of our race depends on it.
Relevant Statistical Data:
http://www.blackdemographics.com/ **US Census Bureau 2005-2007 American Community Survey**
http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html
The Natural Dilemma
I have given a lot of thought to Weave Posts 1 and 2. After hearing some of the poignant - and classless - responses to the blog entries, I have a few things to say.
I failed to highlight the fact that, there are women who just want to add to their Beauty, or in other cases, their "beauty". There is nothing wrong with a woman trying to look her best. I can dig that. I definitely could have mentioned that 'there are females without weave with hair looking a mess, and there are females with natural "looks" that don't get any love' because that is definitely a truthful statement.
On the other hand, my job is to give the male perspective...so I will. You don't need to agree though, don't worry. I think it's important for women to know that Men prefer natural looking Women. Meaning, the more done up you are, the less inclined we are to have a "natural" sense of attraction off the bat. I'm not talking about weave here - or extensions for the white women - I'm referring to overall appearance: makeup, nails, eye liner, etc. And ladies, a lot of you be on your Independent Woman shit and you are trying to look good for you, but let's not act like you don't like getting attention from Men and don't put some thought into your presentation so you can maximize that attention. Not all of you are looking your best just for you. Some of you look your "best" for yourselves, Men, AND other females...
Unfortunately, Media adds a lot to the problem. The women they market in all the ads, movies, magazines and newspapers, and the products matched with them are causing a global sense of dependency on beautification products that transcends race and gender. Media is desensitizing men, and the standard of beauty SOME of us seek is being skewed by the bullshit they put in front of our faces.
I have had experiences with women, some with and others without hair extensions, and it's all about how the individual female chooses to carry herself and her appearance. I wouldn't count a girl out just for having extensions. I can't help to note though, it is puzzling to a Man to see a Woman with added beautification of any sort if she doesn't seem to need it. Granted, who am I to say you need it or not.
Truthfully though, some Women do need to realize that however you may feel, your feelings do not always represent the feelings of your gender as a whole. And though this is a sensitive subject, these posts have garnered many haters but even more supporters - a lot of whom have Weave themselves.
I would like to thank all the Women that responded to the posts, whether you did it with tact or not. All perspectives were appreciated.
I failed to highlight the fact that, there are women who just want to add to their Beauty, or in other cases, their "beauty". There is nothing wrong with a woman trying to look her best. I can dig that. I definitely could have mentioned that 'there are females without weave with hair looking a mess, and there are females with natural "looks" that don't get any love' because that is definitely a truthful statement.
On the other hand, my job is to give the male perspective...so I will. You don't need to agree though, don't worry. I think it's important for women to know that Men prefer natural looking Women. Meaning, the more done up you are, the less inclined we are to have a "natural" sense of attraction off the bat. I'm not talking about weave here - or extensions for the white women - I'm referring to overall appearance: makeup, nails, eye liner, etc. And ladies, a lot of you be on your Independent Woman shit and you are trying to look good for you, but let's not act like you don't like getting attention from Men and don't put some thought into your presentation so you can maximize that attention. Not all of you are looking your best just for you. Some of you look your "best" for yourselves, Men, AND other females...
Unfortunately, Media adds a lot to the problem. The women they market in all the ads, movies, magazines and newspapers, and the products matched with them are causing a global sense of dependency on beautification products that transcends race and gender. Media is desensitizing men, and the standard of beauty SOME of us seek is being skewed by the bullshit they put in front of our faces.
I have had experiences with women, some with and others without hair extensions, and it's all about how the individual female chooses to carry herself and her appearance. I wouldn't count a girl out just for having extensions. I can't help to note though, it is puzzling to a Man to see a Woman with added beautification of any sort if she doesn't seem to need it. Granted, who am I to say you need it or not.
Truthfully though, some Women do need to realize that however you may feel, your feelings do not always represent the feelings of your gender as a whole. And though this is a sensitive subject, these posts have garnered many haters but even more supporters - a lot of whom have Weave themselves.
I would like to thank all the Women that responded to the posts, whether you did it with tact or not. All perspectives were appreciated.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Are you serious?
So...today I was reminded why I want to leave the house. It's really only my father. Look, no one is denying the sacrifices he's made, or the money he's shelled out for my education and all of that stuff. At the same time, I'm not going to give him a pass for being the father that HE thought was good enough. He could have left the house when I was three like his father did to him, and he didn't and for that I can semi painfully utter the fact that I am thankful.
But being a father is more than just providing a shelter, or putting up bread for private school and all of that sh*t. Being a father is spending time, getting to know and understand your child. Making your child feel comfortable around you, allowing them to share anything with you. Not being judgmental, not being self-righteous, not being selfish, and plainly not being an asshole.
He doesn't understand that his opportunity to share the crucial life wisdom with me is long gone. He had those chances when I lived in the house year round pre-college, and when I was not old enough to be able to make crucial life decisions on my own. As far as I'm concerned, I am way ahead of the curve he was on at my age, in fact he wasn't on my curve. And I am not asking for the perfect father. I know perfection isn't real. I know people will make mistakes and people need to be given forgiveness. This whole thing may sound like I am resentful as hell, but all it is is me putting everything in perspective.
He doesn't know me at all. All he talks about is God and God and God. I love God, believe in God - but sometimes I just need to talk to my father, not be reminded about God and his goodness because I am fully aware. For too long he relied on the crutch that his pops wasn't around him past the age of three, so that must means he's the bomb for having never left. I guess, but no.
When I've been away for three years in college learning literally finding myself, and fashioning my own personal beliefs, virtues, and ways to live life, when I come home is not the time for him to try and reassert himself in an attempt to salvage some of the time that you spent most of my 21 years wasting. The nature of our relationship is pretty much set in stone. I will always love him, but I've been past the point where I needed him. And I only got to that point so quickly because he allowed me to.
Save it.
But being a father is more than just providing a shelter, or putting up bread for private school and all of that sh*t. Being a father is spending time, getting to know and understand your child. Making your child feel comfortable around you, allowing them to share anything with you. Not being judgmental, not being self-righteous, not being selfish, and plainly not being an asshole.
He doesn't understand that his opportunity to share the crucial life wisdom with me is long gone. He had those chances when I lived in the house year round pre-college, and when I was not old enough to be able to make crucial life decisions on my own. As far as I'm concerned, I am way ahead of the curve he was on at my age, in fact he wasn't on my curve. And I am not asking for the perfect father. I know perfection isn't real. I know people will make mistakes and people need to be given forgiveness. This whole thing may sound like I am resentful as hell, but all it is is me putting everything in perspective.
He doesn't know me at all. All he talks about is God and God and God. I love God, believe in God - but sometimes I just need to talk to my father, not be reminded about God and his goodness because I am fully aware. For too long he relied on the crutch that his pops wasn't around him past the age of three, so that must means he's the bomb for having never left. I guess, but no.
When I've been away for three years in college learning literally finding myself, and fashioning my own personal beliefs, virtues, and ways to live life, when I come home is not the time for him to try and reassert himself in an attempt to salvage some of the time that you spent most of my 21 years wasting. The nature of our relationship is pretty much set in stone. I will always love him, but I've been past the point where I needed him. And I only got to that point so quickly because he allowed me to.
Save it.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Text vs Tweet
Some interesting shit was brought to my attention yesterday afternoon. People are now starting to substitute twitter, for text messaging. It makes sense..the cheapest plan with unlimited text from Sprint is $99 a month, with AT&T you'll pay at least an additional $20 a month for unlimited text messaging with their cheapest individual plan (which starts at $40/month). I won't even mention Verizon because the rates were ridiculous.. On the other hand, you can create your own personalized username on Twitter and direct message anyone, for no cost. Since Twitter is quickly becoming another global and viral social networking phenomenon, making the switch from paying for text messaging to using the direct message feature on twittter more often - maybe even exclusively - may not be such a bad idea for those who are paying outrageous rates for texting, and seem to find more than half of their cell phone book on their list of "followers"...
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